Reframing - Stronger than the Situation

Megan - When in doubt, reframe the problem.

Sometimes, I forget my life is all connected - that my professional expertise overlaps with my values, overlaps with my ambitions, overlaps with the general question of how I want to live.

Don’t panic, this is still a gym newsletter. You haven’t stumbled into some insufferable work-related self-help cul-de-sac. Give me a second to get there.

One of my go-to leadership tricks is reframing a problem. Someone comes to you devastated because they didn’t get the job they wanted. And you could say, “That’s unfair, you were totally qualified, and I heard the person they gave it to is banging the hiring manager.”

But reframing asks: what’s the real thing here? Maybe they want to get out of their current job and had pinned their hopes on that exit. Maybe they don’t feel seen in their team. Maybe they know there’s a skill gap and they’re scared of not catching up. The point is shifting from “boo, this bad thing happened to me” to “OK, here’s a path I can take from here.” Sometimes it’s simply reminding them that not getting a job doesn’t erase their competence or their worth.

Those who can, do. Those who can’t, coach. (With love to my own coaches, who are saints and do both.)

Which is to say: bloody hell, Megan — apply your own wisdom.

I’ve spent the week feeling very sorry for myself. Pain will do that. Failing before you even get a chance to try will do that. It’s easy to spiral: I’m weak, I stuffed it, I can’t do the thing, I’ve ruined everything.

OR — and here’s the reframe — it’s not that I “can’t do the programme.” It’s that the programme changed.

I can’t do plyometrics right now. Cool. So the version of me who can slam power into the floor will come later.

But I can dial in hypertrophy. I can build ridiculous quad density. I can spend real time on mobility, so when I do come back to explosive movement, I have the range and tendon integrity to actually use it. The reframe isn’t “I failed at week one.” It’s “I am building the base for week twelve.”

One of the most irritating things about being a regular gymgoer is the argument you have with yourself:

“I don’t want to go to the gym. I’m tired and stressed.”“Yes, but you will feel better if you go.”“But I don’t wanna.”“Yes, but I know you will feel less shitty, even if you just walk in the door.”“Fine. But only for 20 minutes.”

And then you go, and do 20 minutes, and think, “Fine, 10 more.” Then you get home, eat dinner, and realise you do feel better, and your brain was right, and it’s all very annoying.

Instead of hiding at home, avoiding movement like I did last week, what I needed was to get into the gym, remember I am capable and strong, and that a broken foot doesn’t change that.

Part of reframing is accepting help. Letting someone else hold the map for a bit. And unfortunately for my ego, that someone is Carl. Please don’t tell him I said this - his head will expand like rising dough - but letting him coach me the way I coach others has mattered. He can see what I can do when I’m busy narrating what I can’t.

(Another thing work has taught me: most problems are better solved by a team.)

So we’re throwing out the programme for a few weeks and bringing in the new one. It includes an exercise Carl himself introduced by saying, “Oh, these suck.” Just in case you thought he’d go easy on Torque.

This is the exercise that sucks (but also super effective!)

This isn’t pretending everything is fine. It’s changing the story I’m telling myself. Resilience isn’t about not hurting — it’s choosing to continue even when it does.

Carl here - this is relatable for me, and I’m sure for everyone reading this. I’m currently in the final stages of rehabilitating a niggly shoulder I gifted myself while preparing for my Jiu Jitsu competition (yes, I thought I was physiologically different from most people and could take on more than I should, without consequences, turns out I'm not).

But this time, I know I’ve been here before. And as frustrating as it is, I also know there are lessons in it, and opportunities to work on other things (in this case, six weeks of preparation for a trail marathon…).

Anyway… resilience.

Reframing is a tool I use a lot, both in my coaching, parenting, and with myself in many contexts. I was introduced to it at a very pivotal stage in my life, when I became a parent. I remember waking in the night to a crying baby, tired, and feeling a little resentful of the situation. Then I caught the narrative, thought about it, and shifted it from “I have to get up again” to “I get to get up and spend this magical time with my daughter at such a precious age.”

Same situation. Completely different experience. One that shaped me moving forward.

It led me to believe that perception is reality.

What Reframing Actually Is (The Science Bit)

In psychology, reframing is known as cognitive reappraisal, the deliberate act of changing how you interpret a situation so your emotional response changes with it. It’s one of the most effective, well-studied emotion-regulation strategies we have.

Research shows:

• Resilience & Long-Term Coping
  A meta-analysis of 64 studies (nearly 30,000 people) found that using cognitive reappraisal is strongly associated with higher personal resilience, not just in the moment, but long-term. (meta-analysis: Consedine et al., 2024).
• Reappraisal activates the prefrontal cortex (planning, agency) and reduces amygdala reactivity (threat response), helping you shift from spiralling → problem-solving. (Grecucci A, Job R. 2015)
• Emotion Regulation & Well-Being
  Habitual reappraisal predicts better emotional health, lower anxiety and depression, and more effective coping. (Hazark. H,A, 2025)
• Effectiveness Under Stress
  Even under acute stress, people can successfully use reappraisal to regulate negative emotion. (Sander et., al,. 2021)
• Using reappraisal flexibly, adapting it to the severity of the situation, predicts better stress reduction than a one-size-fits-all approach. (Marciniak MA et al., 2024)

This isn’t positive thinking. It’s evidence-based mental training, and the more you do it, the better you get at it. And the better you get at it, the better you will feel!

How to Actually Do It

Science is cool, but here’s how to translate the research into real, usable practice:

1. Recognise the First Story
   • Pause and label the thought. (“I can’t do the programme.”)
   • Ask: What am I telling myself right now?
2. Identify the Underlying Need
   • What’s the emotional hook? (Safety? Competence? Fear of failure?)
   • That’s your “driver” which lets you reframe more strategically.
3. Widen the Frame
   • Ask: What else could be true? What’s still possible from here?
   • Shift from “I failed week one” to “The programme changed, and I’m building a foundation.”
4. Choose an Adaptive Reframe
   • Use a reinterpretation that supports agency, not resignation.
   • Focus on outcomes, not just comfort: “I’m building quad density, tendon integrity, mobility, so I’ll be better later.”
5. Practice (and Self-Reflect)
   • Like training physical capacity, reappraisal becomes stronger with repeated use.
   • Reflect: Did the reframe change how I felt or acted? If not quite, adjust.

Why This Overlaps Into Other Areas of Life

As Megan mentioned, this is a tool that she has learned in another arena, and now applies to the gym. How does this happen?

• Neural Transfer: When you reframe in the gym (injury, changed programme), you’re strengthening the same cognitive-emotional circuitry you’ll use in work, relationships, mental health.
• Resilience Is Domain-General: Because reappraisal builds resilience, it not only helps with workout setbacks, but it also helps you navigate job rejections, life transitions, and uncertainty.
• Emotion Regulation + Performance Synergy: Tools that regulate emotion don’t just “make you feel better”, they improve your capacity to make clear-headed decisions, stay in your values, and sustain long-term action.

So, reframing builds mental-emotional resilience, and resilience isn't just pretending it doesn't hurt, it's about making that hurt work for you to bounce forward. And that’s exactly what you’re doing, Megan. The programme didn’t stop, it just changed shape. And if I’m holding the map for a bit while you navigate it, I’m honoured.